


the pleasure is all mine, as is the pain

by aeltaiir



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Fluff and Angst, Hurt Tony, M/M, Pain, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-15
Updated: 2019-08-15
Packaged: 2020-09-01 18:20:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20262457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aeltaiir/pseuds/aeltaiir
Summary: Whoever or whatever was sadistic enough to come up with the cruel trick of fate that is soul pains deserves to die, in Tony's humble opinion. Well, maybe not die but Tony hopes they at least regret their choices if that isn't too much to ask. Whoever named the "soul pains" was sweet and to the point, thankfully, so they've escaped criticism in Tony's mind, and the actual marks are acceptable, Tony supposes. Because at least those are subtle.---Soulmate fic where partners can feel some pain from their other half. Angst ensues, with some fluff at the end because I'm not completely heartless.





	the pleasure is all mine, as is the pain

Whoever or whatever was sadistic enough to come up with the cruel trick of fate that is soul pains deserves to die, in Tony's humble opinion. Well, maybe not die but Tony hopes they at least regret their choices if that isn't too much to ask. Whoever named the "soul pains" was sweet and to the point, thankfully, so they've escaped criticism in Tony's mind, and the actual marks are acceptable, Tony supposes. Because at least those are subtle.

"Soul marks are a reflection of your partner,"

That's what everyone is taught. So, it's just his luck to have a partner that is apparently loud and colorful, given by the bright blue, five-pointed star, spanning at least one square inch of the inside of his right wrist. 

"An individual is born with a minimum of two marks, one their own and the other their partner's,"

Tony knows which one is his now. The blue circle on his left wrist is a bit of a giveaway. Funny, isn't it, how the universe seemed to know about the reactor before he did, setting his fate to meet Yinsen in stone even before he could talk. Or maybe he is just a blue and circular type of person by nature.

~~~

Tony doesn't exactly like doctors. For multiple reasons, one being needles, but the other more prominent reason is that doctors are curious. Not that he can exactly blame them, he's curious about enough himself, it's partly what got him this far in life; curiosity killed the cat, they say, but it seems he still has one of his nine lives left. However, he can blame doctors for trying to poke and prod at him every time he meets them.

The reactor is a spectacle, he knows that. It's attractive and glowing and other nice things, which really should be a given, seeing as he made it. It's also a pain, both figuratively and literally.

In the beginning, it was worse. Of course, the palladium didn't exactly help the reactor's case. Still, the arc reactor was a nuisance to take care of and sustain, having to keep up with replacements and general maintenance constantly.

Now, with the new element, it's much easier to manage, so much so that he might even forget it was there. Possibly. If it wasn't for the excruciating pain.

It's not that much of a surprise, given that the reactor is a metal cylinder in the middle of his chest that was originally installed in a dark cave with limited medical supplies. In addition to the obvious external pains, the internal pains are also pretty noticeable: with the reactor going quite deep into the chest, notably where the lungs and ribs are, breathing can be somewhat of a challenge at times.

Breathing exercises soon became a routine after Yinsen, for more reasons than only the pain.

Painkillers also became commonly used, though those are less reliable, Tony found. While they do help somewhat, after a while they don't have the same effect. Besides, it's not exactly a well-kept secret that Tony might be a bit more susceptible to addictions than others might be. He also has to take into account the drowsiness they often cause, it's not worth it to regularly use them if he keeps falling asleep in meetings.

And so, in short, Tony deals.

Deals with the pain, the maintenance, the glowing light in the dark, and deals with all the additional necessities that come with the bright blue cylinder keeping him alive.

Of course, he's thought about having it removed. After the increased frequency of Avengers missions, Ultron is particular, he decided to look into it more carefully, to see if there was any way of removing this particular Achille's heel. 

However, the answer was always the same as it was all those years ago when he was researching in his lab a few days after having escaped that dark and damp cave.

Given the initial procedure, if the rushed surgery can even be classified as a procedure, it was really more of a last-minute attempt at poking around in his body to keep him alive rather than a proper procedure, and the close proximity to the vital organs in his chest, namely the lungs and heart, not even taking into consideration the actual shrapnel which would need to be removed, it would be too risky and almost certainly fatal to try and remove the reactor.

So, because he knows he's already pushing his luck in this universe by even having the reactor, the testy and impatient machine that it is, he leaves it alone. Besides, if it went wrong he doesn't want to impose even more pain on his soulmate.

~~~

"Most soulmates can feel their "other's" sensations since birth. These sensations include, but are not limited to, temperature, pain, pleasure, and emotions. Before bonding, most soulmates can only feel their other's strongest feelings,"

Tony isn't sure if his other would hate him when they met him finally, but he wouldn't blame them; he hopes what part of the pain that filters through the bond isn't making his other miserable, but other than hope there is nothing else he can do for now.

~~~

At least he knows what he gets through the bond, Tony reasons. As a general rule, he tries his best to not pay attention to soul pains, or numbness as it seems to in his case.

When he was a child, he didn't. He would spend hours thinking about the chills he got, inexplicable chills that shook his body to the very core. He's dropped more than a few tools because of it, hands suddenly having frozen in a way that is more numbness than pain.

\---

Then the cold went away.

For the first time since he was born, the inexplicable chill was just inexplicably gone. As if it was thawing out, the coldness slowly retreated, leaving a somewhat confused although happy Tony in its wake.

But, only a few months after the cold receded, wounds began to pop up in its place.

They can't kill you. It's not possible. Even if your soulmate dies, the pain you feel along with them will be unbearable, but still not lethal. Which is good, Tony guesses, to not die if your soulmate does. But still, he'd appreciate if his soulmate was at least a little more cautious.

While they can't kill you, soul pains can leave marks. Nothing too severe or permanent, and it depends on the severity, but they leave small bruises here and there. And, while minor pain is filtered out through the bond, harsher wounds tend to show up more.

So, when Tony wakes up one night and finds himself covered in bullet size bruises and a horrible pain throughout his body, it doesn't take long to connect the dots.

According to the dots, Tony is pretty sure his soulmate should be dead by now because no one could survive this many wounds. Not even Tony is this accident-prone. Though, he knows these aren't just simple accidents.

And yet the bruises keep on coming. And coming, and coming, and coming, until Tony is pretty sure his soulmate is immortal, given by the amount of damage they seem to be taking.

~~~

Tony tries to avoid injuries as much as possible. Given his experience with the soul pains, if he has a soulmate he would rather not have them constantly in pain from his lab accidents. However, being an Avenger makes it even harder, given the circumstances. Plus, it seems his mate is getting into even more trouble recently, given how his chest and hands are almost always purple.

Still, he wouldn't give an Avenger for anything, he's made a family, a team and he's not about to give that up.

~~~

Tony isn't as oblivious as people seem to believe. Sure, he can be stupid for a genius sometimes, but he is still a genius. So it doesn't exactly come as a surprise to him that Steve Rogers is the blue star. In hindsight, it fits him perfectly, for more than one reason.

And, though people tend to overlook this, Steve Rogers isn't an idiot either. Especially given the fact that Tony does very little to keep his marks hidden.

They agree to take it slow though, not bonding as quickly as some might, and instead go on dates first; getting to know each other before they take the plunge.

They get along well, and Tony's fear that they would hate each other is quickly nullified. Apparently, the serum also helped to block the reactor's pain, for the most part.

~~~

It's been a year and they still haven't bonded much to the rest of the team's annoyance. Still, when asked they say they're waiting for the right time, which isn't wrong. Steve, though he's acclimated quite nicely, is still old fashioned and is hesitant to bond, and Tony isn't one to rush him.

The right time, however, was apparently two am on a Monday in Tony's workshop, because that is exactly when Steve, who was sleepy and sketching on the sofa, asked Tony.

A few hours later, at two pm in the afternoon on a Monday, they actually carry through with it.

A few hours later, at two pm in the afternoon on a Monday, they bond.

A few hours later, at two pm in the afternoon on a Monday, Steve nearly collapses.

~~~

"Woah!" Tony shouts, both from the new emotions and connection, as well as the fact that his soulmate is currently looking like he'll fall down any second.

"Steve? Are you okay?" He asks hesitantly, leading the blonde to the bed they share to sit down. "Sit,"

As Tony helps the man, who is suddenly looking very pale, onto the bed, Steve's arm, which had been clutching at his chest, grips his wrist.

"What the hell Tony," Steve croaks out, closing his eyes and taking deep breathes.

Looking blankly at his soulmate, Tony slowly sits down on the bed next to him. "Sorry, what?"

"My chest feels like it's on fire, and it certainly isn't coming from my end of the bond. But you seem perfectly fine. So either our bond is wrong, or you're currently dying,"

"Your chest? You mean from the reactor?"

"I don't know. Probably? For crying out loud Tony, how do you deal with this?" Steve asks, his wide eyes turned toward the brunette sitting to his left, eyes expressing more worry than anger or stress, though it's hard for Tony to be completely sure due to the mask of pain over all of Steve's face

"I don't know...?" Comes the answer, with a shrug. "Um, wait here, I'll go get you some painkillers," Tony says, running off to the bathroom and frantically opening the cupboards to find Steve's painkillers, the ones he made specifically for the super-soldier, along with a glass of water.

"Here, take this," Tony says, hading the glass and two white pills.

"Thanks,"

"Are you okay?"

"In a minute, yeah,"

"Okay,"

"Mmhm,"

They sit for a few minutes, both breathing steadily as they wait for the medication to kick in, both experiencing the new bond. Tony, running over how careless he could have been, just because he has the serum doesn't mean he's immune to all pain you idiot, and Steve quickly shutting down that train of thought.

And so, in silence, they sit together, content, and thankfully no longer in too much pain, before one of them talks again.

"You're gonna want to talk about this, aren't you?"

"Darlin', you have no idea,"

~~~

"Why didn't you tell me?" Steve asks. True to his word, once he and Tony had woken up after the previous long and emotional night, he dragged the man to the couch and sat him down to talk.

"Didn't think it was that important,"

"You've been in excruciating pain daily for years. That falls under 'important', Tony,"

"Well, now I know. Okay? Okay," he says, as he gets up, only to be dragged down with a grunt.

"No, not okay. Why don't you take painkillers?"

"Makes me feel sleepy," Tony says, having the sense to look at least a little sheepish.

Sighing, Steve runs a hand down his face.

"Look, I get that you can't exactly fix this-"

"Yeah, no kidding,"

"And I am frustrated that you didn't tell me, but probably not for the reasons that you think. I understand that it's unavoidable. And that the painkillers are not usable, especially with your job. I'm frustrated because even if I can't fix the pain I could have at least been more supportive on bad days or helped you research a solution, or something, anything," Steve says, voice ragged with obvious emotion.

"I'm sorry," Tony mutters, rubbing at the star on his wrist as he leans into Steve's side. And he is, he thinks to himself, he is.

"I know," Steve says, putting an arm gently around the other man as the two continue to wrap themselves up in each other, intertwining their bodies to match their souls.

"Thank you," Tony says, snuggling closer as Steve simply nods and kisses his hair.

"Don't be,"

**Author's Note:**

> I don't even know what this is but if you read I hope you enjoyed it, it was sitting in my drafts for a while so I decided to edit and finish it finally. It's still a bit rough around the edges but it's okay, I think. Also, just a fyi for anyone i changed my username. Hope you enjoyed and are having a nice day


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